Sunday, July 14, 2024

Male victims of domestic violence ‘too ashamed’ to come forward – and they don’t get equal treatement says councillor

MALE victims of domestic abuse is suffering in silence because the stigma of being attacked by a woman means they have to “deal with it”, a Thurrock councillor has claimed reports the Local Democracy Reporting Service.

At a meeting of Thurrock Council’s health and wellbeing board, Jo Broadbent, director of public health, gave a report on housing and measures being taken to deal with homelessness and its causes.

Cllr Shane Ralph said he had recently dealt with a case of a man suffering domestic abuse that showed there was no level playing field with male victims of domestic violence.

Cllr Ralph said: “There is a different standard of care that is given to a lady who has been abused in domestic violence. They are sent to the women’s refuge. This gentleman was offered a Premier Inn room. No support network. Nothing.

“When we talk about levelling up it really does need to be level. For three years I’ve been going on about having a male shelter. We brought male domestic support units in to talk. Nothing has changed.”

Cllr Ralph, who is also a member of the hidden and extreme harms prevention committee, added: “We need to be providing this service with support in Thurrock. A lot more men will come forward from what they are suffering if they know the support is out there. We are not doing it.”

“Society is still of the view that if you are a man you have to deal with it. Men still find it very difficult to come forward and talk about being beaten up at home. They are ashamed of coming forward.”

Responding at the meeting on Friday, Ewelina Sorbjan, Thurrock’s interim director of housing, said: “We don’t have a shelter for male victims of domestic abuse. We come across those cases every now and then and we absolutely are prepared to place anyone who is at risk of domestic abuse in a safe place. Our service is equipped to deal with that.”

“If we know there is a danger we really would work at very short notice to take the person to the nearest available location that is safe and very often it is a hotel that gets used for the first night but that doesn’t mean the person will stay there for a long period.”


  1. It’s the ultimate catch 22. A man “deals with it” and he has “toxic masculinity”. A man doesn’t deal with it and he has “fragile feelings”. A man points out the double standard and he gets told that it, too, is “because of the patriarchy”. A man walls up before the assault of a woman and he gets laughed at as being weak. A man defends himself and fights back and he gets told “men are stronger so they shouldn’t hit women”. A man shrinks away and he gets told to “get help but it’s not feminism’s job”. But if a man wins in court he gets told “he’s part of the regression in the fight for women’s rights”.

  2. Yes exactly Mario. And this is the reason all feminists should be shot. If you cannot question the foundations of bigoted ideology then it is a dangerous hate cult.

  3. Cllr Shane Ralph is right and Mario is spot on. The Domestic Abuse Commmissioner’s report about a month ago highlighted the disparity between services that claim to support men too, and how men find them. So often National Domestic Abuse Helpline is considered suitable for men as well as women. Just look at their website. Is there anything there that tells you they support men? It’s like a poster advertising a gym by using photos only of muscular male bodybuilders. Would any woman think it was aimed at her?


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