Getting a divorce can be one of the most emotional, stressful and expensive periods of your life. But being prepared and taking the right steps can help prevent you being caught off guard, hopefully making the process run as smoothly as possible.
Here are ten tips on getting a divorce and looking after yourself throughout the process:
1 – Protect the children. No matter how amicable the separation, getting a divorce is no easy process. It often brings out differences between parties. The adults should deal with issues relating to divorce and children should be protected from any debates and discussions. Do not speak badly about your ex-partner in front of the children.
2 – DIY divorces are on the increase. If you can agree with your ex partner the reason for the divorce, how your children will be looked after and how your assets will be divided, it may be possible to arrange the divorce yourselves without a lengthy courtroom battle or solicitor.
3 – Seek the help of a divorce mediator. If it is an amicable split, a mediator can help you agree how to divide assets such as savings, pensions and property with the need to instruct a solicitor to do the negotiations.
4 – If it’s not amicable, or children are involved, employ a good but fair solicitor. Shop around and go and see at least three before making a decision. A lot of solicitors offer free initial consultations so you can make sure you’re happy that they will represent you in the way you want. Always check for estimated costing and ensure you take VAT into account.
5 – Communicate. Remember solicitors charge by the hour so the more you can decide between you, the less it will cost to get lawyers to do it for you. Having said that, if violence or abuse has been involved, don’t put yourself in danger and leave it to the solicitors to resolve.
6 – Make copies of important documents if you don’t have the originals. Take a copy of papers such as birth certificates of children, marriage license, deeds to the house, credit cards statements, insurance documents, bank statements and any others so you’ve both got copies of each. You may need some of the information for filling in forms as part of the divorce process.
7 – Watch the debt. Separation means extra living costs and other expenses to keep a careful watch on spending. Accept that some debt may occur and try not to get stressed out about it – although that can be easier said than done. Create a budget and stick to it. Keep on top of bills.
8 – Contact old friends. A lot of people in long-term marriages often drift away from past friends over the course of years. Now that you are single again, it’s a great time to reflect on old friendships. You may not feel like socialising, but getting out and about and reconnecting with friends is a great way to surround yourself with support through what can be a lonely period.
9 – Indulge in a new hobby or pastime. Give yourself something positive to focus on by learning a new skill. Not only will it be a distraction it will give you the chance to meet new people and get you out of the house.
10 – Don’t beat yourself up. People going through the divorce process can blame their ex partner or themselves for what has happened. This creates even more stress during what is a very stressful period. Try to be kind to yourself and do a bit of self-reflection. Remember, learning to forgive is an important step in moving on with your life.
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