Tuesday, September 27, 2022
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Twelve things you will never hear people in Thurrock say..or will you?

WE Brits are rarely happy with our lot, are we? Let’s face it, we lead the world when it comes to ignoring Eric Idle’s character’s advice in The Life of Brian to always look on the bright side of life. And the citizens of Thurrock are no different.

The truth is, as long as we are in good health and are in work, we shouldn’t really be complaining, especially when you consider that we live in one of the most affluent areas of one of the richest countries in the world.

But that doesn’t stop us from moaning about the weather, the shops, the roads, the trains, the council, the shops, the health service … have we mentioned the shops?

In an effort to put a positive spin on our negativity, the Your Thurrock editor asked me to come up with 10 things that you’ll never hear people in Thurrock say, based on our favourite gripes.

Never one to shy away from a challenge – particularly one I can do with a cup of tea – I offer these choice phrases. Feel free to add to them by emailing newsdesk@yourthurrock.com marking the subject line “Things You’ll Never Hear in Thurrock

1. I love pushing my buggy into the middle of the road in Chafford so as to accommodate ten 4 x 4s parked on the pavement outside Harris Academy.

2. I wish that Labour candidate in Stanford-le-Hope would just say what she thinks.

3. To me, it isn’t spring until the first bare chested bloke with a can walks down Hathaway Road.

4. I was on Twitter and Jackie Doyle Price said: "Oh, I see your side of the argument."

5. That butcher with the microphone on Grays High Street, a voice like Michael Buble.

6. When are they going to erect a statue to Tattoo John?

7. I was on duty in Orsett your honour and immediately recognised the driver as a world famous cllr for Aveley.

8. You know, we just don’t have enough take aways in Tilbury.

9. I’m thinking about nominating the A13 for a Turner Prize. Can you not see what they are trying to do there?

10. There is nothing we Grays Ath fans like more than a welcome piece of advice from Neil Speight!

11. You can’t turn a corner in Thurrock without seeing your local bobby.

12. Is Russell Brand from Grays. Really? Keep that under his hat…

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