Thursday, December 8, 2022

Helen’s Blog: It’s beginning to look a lot like……

WE welcome Stanford novelist, Helen Harrod, to our happy group of YourThurrock bloggers.

The female orgasm?

Oh don’t be ridiculous, people will talk.

How about ageing gracefully? Give over. I’m thirty four, not dead.

Except, time is running away from me. I realise this as I heat up my total body waxing kit for another monthly groom…

I’m not just talking about age, Christmas is only months away and that’s terrifying, far more important than my beast like legs.

At my first job I was told by my manager if you’re not ready by the last payday of September you will spend the rest of the season chasing yourself. Great, that’s another job I have to do, just let me mark that on my calendar – phone battery’s dead. Nah, I’m sure I’ll remember.

Probably like most, the excitement will hit me when I actually start to buy the presents, until then it’s a pressing weight of responsibility.

Immediate concerns are whether it’s too early to give the kids the Argos catalogue and a pair of scissors, and wondering, will that three piece suite have the same appeal to my son as it did last year? Explaining to them that Father Christmas can’t bring a real Ford Ranger (he’d never get it under the tree.)

Facebook beginning to fill up with posts of pickled onions and Christmas cakes makes my palms go sweaty. The lists will have to be meticulous for this awesome annual task and I don’t have the greatest capacity for remembering stuff I’m ‘sposed to, like, where are the instructions for my total body waxing kit?

To top it off I’ve just discovered Morrison’s in Corringham have run out of tins of celebrations… I’m already chasing myself! 


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here


More articles